Inspiration

Just now talking with a friend on skype, I had a moment of inspiration and since these don't come too often, I'll blog about it.

I explained to my friend: now that I have a blog, I no longer have imaginary conversations in my head, now I have conversation with my imaginary readers. So instead of crazy, I'm now cool and trendy.

Damn, i thought it sounded nice and smart when I wrote it to her, but now that I'm trying to figure how to go on with the posting, I'm realizing it's not that interesting and worse, not very true.

1. I still have imaginary conversations in my head, of course.
Pretty much everyday I can come up with different moments and situations in which my ex asks me to go back to him and be happy again. Don't be sad for me yet, dear reader, in my mind I'm starting to have seconds thoughts about whether this would be good for anyone... so I'm progressing towards the light in the end of the tunnel.

2. Talking to myself doesn't mean I'm crazy, just that I'm through and prepared!
If you imagine everything in ur mind first, you are ready when things happens.... though it sets place for disappointment when things don't happen or happen but not how you want them to... also, no suprises if you are ready for everything...

Crap...this posting sucks... a case of imaginary inspiration, i guess.

Where do I get one for myself?

OMG!!!

I know this is pretty much a teenager behavior and I'm well past the age for it but I want a Robert Pattinson for myself!! Please please please tell me that i can have one! pleeeeease!

Where to start?! Oh i know: that mouth of his.
When he smiles, it curves on the corners just like a cat's mouth and it's so absolutely charming and looks so delicious...

Then there is the hair. All tousled, all over the place; made me feel like playing with it, grabbing at it...

And the eyes with those awesome eyebrows. So masculine and compelling...

Oh, yeah, I went to the movie theater yesterday to watch 'Remember Me'. I saw it in German but well-prepared person that I am, of course I saw it online in English in advance ;) Online the quality was quite low as it hasn't been released for long but good enough for me to understand the movie and allow me to see it in German later just for the pleasure of staring at R.Pattz's handsome face. And boy, what a face!

The movie?
Nice too but if you are planning to watch it looking for a happy ending to sweeten your day, I must warn you that you won't get it. Sorry if this is too much of a spoiler, but I do this with the best of intentions... don't know about you, but I simply hate to be caught by surprise by a sad ending!

Anyway, amazing how Emily deRavin really looks so young and pretty! She plays a believable 21 year-old while she is actually 28... Good for you girl!
The movie also has Pierce Brosnan and Chris Cooper in it, playing Pattinson and Ravin's fathers respectively. Oh, and there is also Sidney's mom ('Alias') playing dear Rob's mom. Well, i guess if she and Brosnan really had kids together they'd indeed have a good chance of coming up with pretty kids. And the girl who plays Rob's sister is pretty adorable and your heart really breaks for her at some point during the movie ...more than once actually... sorry, more spoilers, I guess.

So, if you get to watch 'Remember Me', let me know what you think of it.

P.S.: he had already caught my eye as Cedric Diggory and of course I was totally hypnotized watching him as Edward Cullen, but honestly I was in love with Edward even before seeing him on screen and - please don't hate me for this - but he still isn't portraying Edward to perfection... so Rob as Tyler Hawkins in 'Remember Me' is the best I've seen of him so far :)

Meet me Halfway

Just heard this song on the radio and realized how bad I wished this was sung to me.... but since it ain't, let's just sing together... ladies and gentleman, Black Eyed Peas!

I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, i'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl, wuz up, it use to be just me and you

I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day, yes i'm really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl wuz up, wuz up, wuz up, wuz up

Meet me halfway, right at the boarderline
That's where i'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Girl,i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galexies
Just tell me where you want, just tell me where you wanna to meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want, i, i, I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
I wanna to have you around (round) like every single day
I love you alway..wayBlack Eyed Peas Meet Me Halfway lyrics found on

Can you meet me half way (I'll meet you halfway)
Right at the boarderline
That's where i'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay

I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Let's walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, i'll fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and i, for you and i, for for you and i,
For for you and i, for for you and i, for you and i

Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
Can you meet me half way (yup yup)

Meet me half way, right at the boarderline
That's where i'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where i'll stay

I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

...

So I didn't meet him again at lunch time... and thinking about it, I'd bet he went to the WoS to have lunch with his new girl. This is all speculative but I do think he is seeing someone new.

Some weeks ago a friend said she saw his computer screen and could tell that he was chatting with someone online and using lots of smiles in it. Guys don't us smiles like that with other guys so it was safe to assume it was a girl. And not long after that , while cyber-stocking him on facebook, I saw a comment he posted there followed by some more comments to the comments... him and a girl. I didn't dare checking out her profile, but of course I looked for her in the company's phonebook and there she was, an intern.

I had never heard her name before so I guess he met her after we broke up. But who knows, maybe it was before and she is the reason he broke up with me. I don't know, I didn't ask. I think I prefer not knowing.

This afternoon, cyber stocking again, I finally saw a picture of her... he is also in it. Happy. Enjoying a party together.

I don't know her, but i already hate her.

And i guess I hate him a little bit too for being happy without me.

Ex-sighting... exciting?!

Ah, the awesomeness of having a blog!

Just a few minutes back I met my ex at the aditeria and instead of boring one of my girlfriends to death with yet another sighting of him (and hey, there are usually plenty as we work at the same place), I can simply write about it and if you've chosen to read the posting, that's your own fault!

Damn, he looked so nice...as usual.

I was there for a meeting with two colleagues and immediately saw him when he got through the side door. He was with his boss, i guess having a meeting too. His boss stopped to get a coffee and the table I was at was the first one after the coffee machine. He must had already seen me, so even though he had his back to the table, he eventually turned to say hi. And then he turned his back again and that was it.

He sat somewhat behind me (some 3 or 4 tables back) and boy, it was hard to resist taking a look back...
I kinda wish I had taken a look cause he was really looking nice (and i miss just being able to look at him for as long as i want) but he was sitting facing my way so for sure I would had been busted. And that would had been awkward... well, that is assuming he'd actually bother looking at me, which he probably didn't.

Anyway, Lisa said I was looking very nice today during our ride to work in the morning, so that's definetely a plus! :) Let's see what lunch brings...maybe we will meet again.

P.S.: Yes, I am fully aware that this is not a positive and constructive attitude and meeting him won't change anything. But is it really too wrong to hope that seeing me looking fabulous will make him regret - at least a little - dumping me?!

our story: the happy part

That's how it all started:

we met each other about a year ago, at the house party of a friend we had in common and we danced together the whole of that first night.Admitedly I was a little tipsy but that only put my 'shyness' away and we had a terrific time together.

We work at the same company and spend the next days flirting over office communicator during working hours. We went on dates that left me with butterflies in my belly... that delicious feeling of something new getting started, the uncertainties of a new romance... he already had a permanent contract while I was still an intern and was already coming to the end of my internship. That didn't stop the romance to get started and it was amazing.

As i was getting ready to go back to Deggendorf by the end of the month, we made the best of what time we had. I eventually left but we stayed in together doing the long-distance deal and we both kept our hopes up that I'd make it through the assessment center to become a trainee and be back again in Herzo. There was no point in making things official until we knew we'd have more time together so we continued just enjoying each other's company in very long msn conversations.

Of course, I got through the AC and shortly after we made it official: boyfriend and girlfriend. I visited him in Nürnberg and he visited me in Deggendorf. Then I went home to Brazil on vacations and to write my thesis, before getting started as a trainee and we still stayed together. 2 and a half months away, still so much in the beginning of things, but we made it. He even sent me flowers in the day of the brazilian valentine's day... the first time i ever had had a boyfriend and a gift to celebrate the day. In August I finally returned to Germany to start working and we started our life together.

That first month, I was always busy and stressed out still writing my thesis but he was always there for me, patient and supportive. Once I was done, it was all pretty much perfect: I had this handsome guy with me, with a good sense of humor and intelligent, who appreciated me and made me feel good and confident about myself and who made me feel trully happy.

We had out differences: he loved exercising and waking up early on saturdays to go for a run while I totally appreciated the results of his exercises but didn't care much to do some myself; he loved his gadgets, especially his iphone while half the time i didn't really understand even the basics of what he was talking about - eletronics wise. But we loved watching movies together, even the silly romantic comedies; we shared a pleasure in reading and could spend hours just next to each other, each reading a different book. He liked my food and I took pleasure in cooking for him. We had a nice routine together during the week and on the weekend we'd go out together with friends and I'd be fine with him going out with other people when i didn't feel like it and he'd come to me in the end of the night- sometimes silly drunk, but i didn't care, cause it was to me he came and our sundays together we always great.

In the end of the year I went home to Brazil again, 3 weeks vacation and he couldn't join. So he went to the Netherlands to be with his family and friends. I regretted not saying that i loved him when we said goodbye at the airport, but we talked almost everyday and he seemed to miss me as much as I missed him, so I thought I'd have plenty of time so say when i got back to Germany.

We talked about how we both wished he could be there in Brazil with me and planned to spend the next Christmas holidays there together so he could meet my family, as I had already met his. I loved the time I spent home but i couldn't wait to be with him again.

I arrived back to an extremely could Germany on the 10th of January and he was there at the airport, waiting for me. He told me how proud and happy he was to be the man to take the prettiest woman coming out of that plane home and I could not had been happier to be back in his arms.

NCIS: Los Angeles

I really don't know what it is about this show that it always puts me to sleep.

Now I can definetely see a pattern forming: it happened last weekend twice (yeap, twice i put it on and twice i fell asleep before the end of the episode) and yesterday again. Thanks to it, last night I slept most of the night on my couch (I fell asleep at 9:30 and just woke up again at 3:30, computer still on, all lights on, make-up on my face...) and forgot to put my alarm on for the usual 6:15, so I was already running late when i got up at 6:30 and had to do my make-up in the car after running to meet my friend/driver in time (and i already was 2 minutes late).

I guess I should save new NCIS: Los Angeles episodes for friday nights, when I can sleep whenever I want and also wake up whenever I want. But still I wonder: why does this tv show so often puts me to sleep?

I mean, it's an action show which entails chases and guns and explosions... and there is Chris O'Donnell, who is no longer 20-something but has very nice blue eyes and still a very cute face to look at.

On the other hand, yes, the show is kinda clichéd: there is the tough black guy (LL Cool J, acting cooler than he should), the beautiful latina looking woman, the computer geek, the shrink aspiring to be an agent, the misterious Chris O'Donnel character and the know-all old lady... but there is much worse out there and I watch some of the worse one and they don't put me to sleep! (at least not as often as NCIS:Los Angeles does).

Maybe they are sending weird subliminal messages during the shows... but then it would be quite stupid to send a message that puts ur audience to sleep, right?! Unless they are counting on getting the audience hooked in the first 10-15 minutes, then puts it to sleep the rest of the episode so we have to watch it again when the episode is shown at an alternative time, which equals more audience...

Ok, i guess i'm getting a bit out of control and better stop here.

(But if u do watch NCIS:Los Angeles and have a similar problem, let me know and let's chat some more about that!

Password

Since my friend Carol gave me the idea of blogging my troubles away yesterday night, I've been thinking non-stop about things i could blog about... but of course, now that i'm actually doing it, I find myself quite without interesting things to say... Damn, my first attempt at writing and I already have writer's block.

So i guess i'll start with the very first idea i had yesterday.

Last night i needed to do a money transfer to a friend's account as she drives me to work everyday and I'm to pay her by month. It's already the 10th so I'm quite behind schedule, but anyway she knows where i live and work so there is no running from paying her. Besides if i continue not paying, she might as well just stop giving me rides, so we got a pretty clear reinforcer right there.
Anyway, the point is (you will realize soon enough that i talk in circles and get very easily lost my on own babbling) I could not remember the damn password for my online banking account!! And whose fault's is it??? My ex, of course.

That's my new strategy: blaming whatever I can on my ex, in an attempt to finally get angry at him and hopefully eventually move on. So it's his fault that i cannot remember the new password.

I think i actually had the password reset before the breakup, but since i cannot really remember, who can say otherwise?! I say it happened someday around that dommed friday night and as I cannot think of anything else but him since then, the blank I have now instead of the memory of the password is obviously caused by him.

Yeah...lame, very lame... not only a lame attempt at anger, but also a lame and very boring first blog post. But i'll continue working on both.